Dear Tiffany,
This week is oil and vinegar – really good and really hard sitting on top of each other.
There are things to say about stepparenting.
There are things to say about expectations of gendered division of labour, and people’s reactions when your family unit doesn’t conform – the very friendly person saying ‘so nice that dad let you sleep in and showered the kids for you! So rare for a mom to get that kind of break’ – and the shame and discomfort in response.
There are things to say about kids. Like, a million things to say about kids.
But for now, just this:
You have rarely been good at group events that you aren’t in control of. You never liked going to group sleepovers in school, and you don’t like going to other people’s parties as an adult. You’re not really a ‘follow the group plan’ kinda person, and those tendencies are stronger than ever this week.
I love you even though you keep skipping the group events. I forgive you for putting yourself in the position of feeling lonely and isolated. You’re not a bad friend or a bad person.
You’re allowed to enjoy the time you do spend with other people and still not show up for ‘camp mom night’ or anything else.
Oil and vinegar. They coexist and they don’t cancel each other out. It’s okay for the good and the bad to both be present. Maybe we can find some metaphorical bread at some point.
Love,
Me