Dear Tiffany,
You should be asleep but you’re binge watching The Good Wife instead because you love tv and it’s been a long two weeks.
You posted earlier about committing to figuring out how to pull your life into more balance. Leave some wicks unlit, hold some time and some energy in reserve. Find more focus. More sustainable self-care. More ritual. More space.
I have no idea how you are going to do that.
Like, none. The very thought of it pushes you reeeeeeally close to a panic attack. Every ball that you have in the air feels vital. Every plate spinning feels critical. Every boulder you’re pushing up this hill feels necessary. Every wick must be lit!!!!
But I know that you will do what you’ve committed to doing. It will take longer than you want it to, and it will be an iterative and irritating process, but you will do it.
You will use every tool in your toolbox, and none of them will be quite right, so you’ll find another tool. You’ll draw a new map. You’ll find a new way forward.
You’ll share (parts of) the process because you know you’re not the only one in this tangle.
You’ll fuck it up and give up and hate yourself for it and then you’ll dust yourself off and keep going.
That is what you do. That is what you are best at. You are so good at being really pretty terrible at meeting your goals, and still going after them anyway.
You’ll get there. It won’t be the ‘there’ you’re picturing right now but it will be where you end up and it will be good. Good enough. Worth the journey. You’ll learn a lot on the way, and you’ll share that with the people around you.
I am proud of you.
I am looking forward to this challenge.
Love,
Me