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#100loveletters

These bunny teeth are pretty cute.

Kids can be so mean.

You were a mean kid, too, sometimes. You hope that the mean things you said have not stuck, are not still lodged in someone else’s heart like slivers of cold, cruel glass. You hope that they have melted away, all the mean things that you said, as a child, and as an adult.

Maybe this could melt. Maybe this glass could be ice. Maybe it could become water. Maybe it could drip down to the earth and become nourishment for new growth. Maybe it’s better to let it melt and drip, not hold it so tight, and so close.

Remember that guy who said, ‘It’s so great how you just keep smiling despite, you know, your teeth.’

He was negging, but he was right.

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Dear Tiffany,

You are so creative and playful. Even when the fibro is flaring and the anxiety is sea monstering and the heat is pressing down like the very worst kind of full-body doom-hug, still, you are creative and playful and silly.

The last nice thing that your ex-husband said to you was “you always have this child-like playfulness and I will miss it.”

You did such a bad job leaving that relationship, even though leaving was the right choice, and you hurt him so much in so many unintentional ways (pro-tip, making a break-up playlist for the person you’re leaving because you’re trying to empathize with them and you think they might need some catharsis… it will not go over well). But even at the end of that, even in all the awfulness of that, in those strange and terrible days before you moved out (and never the two shall speak again), there was that moment in the car, and the stupid joke – probably a pun – and that very nice thing that he said.

It was a true thing.

It was a gift.

You *do* have a child-like playfulness, and it is loveable and good.

Good job, weird kid. Keep being the way that you are.

Love,

Me

#100loveletters

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Dear Tiffany,

Actual quote from earlier this evening, ‘stop joking! What if I lose the use of my hands! I will not be able to do ANY OF MY WORK AND WE WILL STARVE!!!!!’

Gloom Fairy, you are so good at managing your anxiety.

You float above that monster-infested ocean of panic on your weird sparkly little wings and like, wow. It’s like… *waving tentacles, the kind with stabby parts not the kind with just sucker parts, cracking thunder, lightning, screaming monster sounds*… and you’re just like *wings beating frantically, grinmacing, deploying Self-Care and Narrative Strategies like it’s your job (hilarious!), totally getting your foot snagged by a tentacle ? oh shit.*

But anyway you’re trying to be funny because you’re ashamed of how scared you are of losing (further) mobility and physical strength/ability/flexibility/whatever.

You probably don’t have carpal tunnel syndrome. You are probably not going to lose the use of your hands. You are probably going to be okay.

And either way, I love you.

Keep flapping, Gloom Fairy. Monsters are badass but you’re badass too, and you’re pretty good at befriending them anyway.

Love,

Me

#100loveletters

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#100loveletters

Dear Tiffany,

You have all the elements present and they’re lovely. You might need a bit more breathing room, though.

Love,

Me

(Image of a stick figure in the centre of the picture with purple swirls, blue waves, green wiggles, and orange starbursts in each corner and moving inward.)

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Dear Tiffany,

You had such excellent plans for this love letter. It was going to be so artistic! But then the day got away from you and now it’s not that late but definitely late enough for it to be time for Netflix and melt. So anyway. Another not-artistic love letter.

But anyway!

Here’s what you accomplished in a day that did not include a very lovely artistic love letter all about identity and creativity and the various selves (seriously, woulda been so good):

– You designed and shared a cute little meme to promote your summer course. It was cute! And it was pretty easy to design because you’ve been soaking in this sensory stuff for weeks. It is nice when you prove to yourself that you’re not a big fraud!

– You finalized arrangements for the taste part of the sensory toolkit (thank you, Silk Road Spice Merchant!) to go with the scent part (yay All Things Jill!) and the tactile and visual and fine motor parts. It’s going to be so good.

– You had a super good coaching session and it was exciting and productive.

– You took the kids on an exciting (and desperate) adventure to the coffee shop for emergency coffee. And! Despite the fact that the heat is making everything feel awful, you had such a lovely conversation with Hawk about how many eyes and arms aliens have, and then a really great interaction with Hawk and a super fantastic pupper. You are doing a good job at this stepparenting thing and I am proud of you.

– You edited the heck out of a whole buncha pages. Like, so much of edits. Good job.

– You blew a lot of bubbles for the kids.

I feel like you did more stuff but I can’t remember it and I just want to melt into the couch so, that’s that.

Look at that partial list of things you accomplished!

You’re a fantastic fairy prince/ss and that’s great.

Love,

Me

#100loveletters

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Sorting through my cards in preparation for drawing the first winner of a hand-written letter in the #100loveletters challenge. I’ll be drawing five names total over the course of the hundred days (‘drawing’ is a misnomer – I’m using a list and a random number generator). If you haven’t entered yet, send me a message and let me know you’d like to be included!

You do not have to be posting publicly in the hashtag to enter, and you do not have to meet a certain minimum participation requirement. You just have to let me know you want to be included in the draw!

I’ll be sending out a letter every 20 days, which means the first letter will go out on Monday!

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#100loveletters

Today’s letter is not written down because I am listening to the wisdom of not always analyzing, not always verbalizing, not always doing what I tell myself I am supposed to be doing.

I can write letters in actions.

I can write letters I don’t share.

I can write letters that I only share with one person, or two people, or whoever I choose to.

I am so thankful for the wise people in my life, and for their generosity in sharing wisdom.

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Dear Tiffany,

Healing is at least as valuable as healed.

You don’t have to be healed. The depression is a work in progress. The anxiety is a work in progress. The fibromyalgia is a work in progress. The immune system of doom is a work in progress. And that’s all okay.

You can do your work while healing. You can do your work even if you never get to healed.

Good job.

– me

#100loveletters

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Dear Tiffany,

You took a day off yesterday and you spent today panicking about it. Woke up panicking and panicked all day.

But this is what you didn’t do – you didn’t call yourself (m)any names, you didn’t feel any (any!) urges to self-harm, you didn’t freeze and lose the day to the panic, you didn’t load your to-do list up and lose your focus on sustainable self-care.

You got a decent amount of work done (high five!), on a decent amount of projects (good job!), and you took the kids to a play place (gold star!), and you spent some time socializing (A+), and you even ate decently (championship trophy!).

I am proud of you and I love you (even though you are a panic panda and you are not great at relaxing).

Tomorrow will be better. When you wake up, you’ll spend a few minutes doing the mindfulness exercises you’ve been writing up for the summer course.

– Tiffany

#100loveletters