cw – discussion of drinking, intoxication culture
Dear Tiffany,
You missed yesterday (but you did lots of other work, so that’s okay maybe? I don’t know. Let’s say yes.) and today is just one hell of a Monday, so we’ll take it as a sign and say today gets two love letters. You can bookend your day with them.
You will make it through today.
Earlier today you wrote and deleted about ten different posts about how much you wanted a drink this morning. All those jokes that come easy to hand and that mean “my life feels really hard right now, and I don’t have the resources to handle it, and I want to escape and I want some external support.” Alcohol doesn’t actually meet those needs, but it’s less vulnerable to make a joke about drinking your face off than it is to name the feelings and identify the needs.
You didn’t post any of them because those kinds of jokes – as understandable as they are – marginalize and harm the addicts (active and sober) in your life, and normalize intoxication culture, which contributes to so much violence and oppression. They are not funny jokes. They are relatable because so many of us feel like life is hard and we don’t have the resources and we want an escape and some external supports, but they’re jokes that immediately and sharply hurt some people in the community, and that slowly harm other parts of the community. It’s not that they’re always “bad” jokes, but in this context, they would have been. So you didn’t make them. (Except in that one text, but then you thought about it.)
Today, let’s aim for this – not getting rid of or erasing the toxic narratives that are inevitably going to bubble up on a day like today, but rather seeing them, recognizing them for what they are, and choosing not to express them in ways that might harm people around you. (Ideally, choosing not to express them in ways that might harm you, too. You also get to be part of your community!)
I know that you are able to do this because I know you, and I have faith in you. You are good at seeing what’s happening, and you are becoming good at naming it, and you are starting to learn how to recognize the impact of whatever it is.
Here is today’s self-care challenge, and anyone else who’s having a “Fuck This Monday” is welcome to join:
– Drink a glass of water every couple hours
– Stretch every couple hours
(Go ahead and set a timer on your phone right now for that. It’ll be annoying. You can turn it off after the first couple.)
– Keep your to-do list under ten items
– Eat something comforting today
– Take your supplements
– Make some art, even if it’s just a stick figure
Alright, onward.
Love,
Me